So, I injured myself doing yoga…
I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a while, to be real with you about my experience with injury as a yoga teacher. Specifically yoga incurred injuries. First of all, they are not major injuries, but they did occur through either overworking particular muscle groups or poor alignment. This experience has changed the way I practice yoga and approach exercise and movement based practices in general.
I hate exercising. But I love the way it improves your mood afterwards. Everyone knows this, it boosts the old endorphins. I become really cranky if I haven’t moved my body enough, and that is NO FUN FOR ANYONE. When I found yoga it was a revelation to move my body in a systematic, non-competitive way, and for the first time I found a movement practice I actually enjoyed. I came away calmer and happier too. Why do you do yoga? An interesting question to ponder, and sometimes the answer isn’t what you expect, or even changes and morphs over time.
Final exam weekend from my Yoga Teacher Training, July 2017
So let’s take this back to my Yoga Teacher Training (which was amazing). I trained at Yoga London, and I was lucky enough to be taught by some wonderful world class tutors, who nurtured us to become unique and well rounded yoga teachers. Physically, there were some very very tough moments. Training weekends would include hours of practice at a time over two days - up to six hours of physical practice in one day. I got used to pushing my body to the limit and it felt normal. In our final exam we did 108 sun salutations in a row. The woman on the mat next to me was finding the session so tough that she was crying in downward facing dog, and I could see her tears splashing on my mat next to me. I whispered to her, ‘keep going, not much longer’, when really she would have been better off just sitting a few rounds out. The idea is that we would toughen ourselves up for the physicality of having to teach many classes per week. My personal practice at this time was 90 minutes 6 days a week, alongside being a full time desk jockey the rest of the day.
Final exam weekend from my Yoga Teacher Training, July 2017, I’m on the right
I had this intense personal practice for about 3 and a half years until one day my shoulder gave out and my elbow started twinging whenever I did a chataranga (half press-up).
I went to the physio and I was told I had scapula dyskinesis and a subluxating ulnar nerve in my elbow. Fun! But it made sense, I’d essentially been training like an athlete. And athletes get injured because they are pushing their body to the extreme. I rarely skipped a day and I never gave my body a break. I was encouraged to have a daily practice on my teacher training and I opted for a very physical practice, which in hindsight was obviously a stupid thing to do. I should have mixed in days devoted solely to meditation and breathwork. But, you live and learn. You might notice if you’re one of my students, that during my classes I always take the gentlest options for half pushup. I thought it was something I was going to have to live with, but 2.5 years later the nerve problem has resolved. Resting my shoulders from the repetitive chatarangas was the right thing for my body.
“Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralysed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds’ wings.” Rumi
This was a turning point in my personal practice and also in my teaching. This Rumi quote sums it up - effort and surrender - balance. Now I mix in lots of different movement practices throughout my week, and I practice yoga only 3 times a week now, though I will spend time reading and studying the subject in addition to this. I do dance, barre, sports conditioning and HITT classes as well as daily walking. I’m not particularly ‘good’ at any of them though I seem to have walking down. And that’s ok, I’m not doing them to be good at them, I’m exercising to feel healthier and to lift my mood. This variety of movement challenges and prevents me overworking my body in the same way over and over. Sometimes I have weeks where I only walk, because that’s what my body is calling out for. Now I listen to what my body wants and needs. Sometimes rest is very much needed, especially if our immune system is down and you have a cold or are generally under the weather etc.
The other interesting side effect of this injury was that it forced me to:
Lean further into yoga philosophy, pranayama (breath practice) and meditation.
Consider adaptations for students who might have limitations and injures since I realised how difficult it can be to attend a yoga class with an injury.
My physical practice is much more simple and less physically outwardly ‘impressive’ than it used to be. That was an interesting identity to let go of, and made me realise that my ego was not where it should have been. I’ll dive into ego another time, as having no ego is just as bad as too much of an ego, but essentially i’d wrapped up too much of my teaching in my physical abilities. I don’t regret the intense practice of my past, as it physiologically helped me break through some self limiting beliefs and fears around what I was capable of. But essentially our yoga practice is there to nurture us on a regular basis, and in order to do this, sometimes we have to stop striving so bloomin hard.